I’m not quite sure when it happened, but I’ve become a complete idiot.
At my wife’s urging, I got a cell phone, an iPhone 4S. No, not the new iPhone 5, this previous model it was cheap plus she had some kind of discount. So she said it was time I was pulled out of the 19th century, or maybe it was the 18th…
Not that I was eager for a cell phone, mind you. But she thought it would add some convenience and level of safety to our lives. She’s had a cell phone for years, so she knows about how they work. She decided, since her Verizon contract was about up, and it was time for a new phone, since she now has a MacBook laptop that she wanted an iPhone to sync up with it. So off she went and came home with two of them.
The thing seems to have all the bells and whistles, though I don’t need that stuff anyway. In fact, I now doubt I need the thing at all. It seems I’m unable to do the simplest task anymore. There was a time when I was very good with computers and their operating systems (OS from here on). I have built working computers from a box of parts which ran great and did exactly what they were supposed to, when and how they should. I even did a little programming – code writing – once.
Those days are apparently long over. I thought I was doing fine when I got the Mac and learned to use the Apple OS, later upgraded from Leopard OS to Snow Leopard OS with little trouble. But this phone? I now have to face the fact that I’m dumber than your average 9 year-old. Yes, I can’t use a cell phone. Oh, I can turn it on, and look at the pretty icons on the screen. Then I can turn it off again. That’s all, folks.
After intense tutoring from the wife, I was able to find the icon for the phone, but could not figure out how to actually make a call. Yes, she could. She used it to call our land line, which rang, I picked it up, spoke with her, hung it up. Oh, yea, woo-hoo and all.
Remember when phones had round dials? They went click-click-click when you turned the dial and released it. Later they had push buttons. Cordless phones did away with that leash. Cool. Then along comes this smart phone. It may be smart, but obviously I’m not. After an hour I could not make a phone call with the blasted thing. Nor could I figure out how to operate any other of the many whoop-de-doos on it. You know those movies where a stone age man is discovered and brought into the modern world? He can’t understand any of the stuff? Yep, That’s me. Guess it’s time to pick up my club and go hunting for wooly mammoths. I sure as hell can’t use this new phone to call them. Come to think of it, they may not have phones, anyway. My kind of beasts, those wooly mammoths.